Dear Adderal,
I took you to help me focus on catching up on all my reading, not so that I would spend half an hour tweezing my eyebrows.
backfire,
Massie
Dear Life,
I wore a shirt and tie to my latest interview. Why? Because I'm a fucking college graduate. Did I get the job? Yes. Totally awesome right? My BA totally just landed me the job of 3rd shift stock boy at the grocery store. From the hours of 10pm straight through 6am I will be taking shit off of a truck, making sure that Captain Crunch is sitting pretty on the shelf, and buffing the ever-loving hell out of that linoleum floor. I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss working for Poolservice Company. Why is this the best North Carolina's economy can offer? Do I kill myself now or later? Seriously.
Who wants my DVD collection?
Dan in NC
I wore a shirt and tie to my latest interview. Why? Because I'm a fucking college graduate. Did I get the job? Yes. Totally awesome right? My BA totally just landed me the job of 3rd shift stock boy at the grocery store. From the hours of 10pm straight through 6am I will be taking shit off of a truck, making sure that Captain Crunch is sitting pretty on the shelf, and buffing the ever-loving hell out of that linoleum floor. I never thought I'd say this, but I really miss working for Poolservice Company. Why is this the best North Carolina's economy can offer? Do I kill myself now or later? Seriously.
Who wants my DVD collection?
Dan in NC
Dear apartment managers,
Who the hell are you guys? No, seriously, WHO are you? I've only seen the twos of yous about 1 time each, and that was when you were individually handing out verbal warnings about double parking and "illegal bbq'ing". You guys are ass-wipes, seriously. How can you just walk up to someone you don't even know and who doesn't even recognize you as the landlord, and commence to tell them how they "can't" do something? I mean, you might wanna start introducing yourself to ppl since you are NEVER around in the daytime, none of my neighbors know what you look like, and mostly all of the tenants think that you guys are the crackhead twins. Also, the word "asshole" is occasionally tossed around when referring to either of you. That's not necessarily a GOOD thing, guys.
I'm not saying you have to be nice, just be present. It does WONDERS for the comfort and animosity levels of your apartment dwellers if they can actually see you walking around the complex cleaning, or maybe painting that freakin wall that those little tweeners wrote love tags all over. It does NOT do you guys any good or make your rent checks arrive any sooner when you roam around the apartment at all hours of the night, quietly approach a resident, and then start running off at the mouth about oil spots in the parking lot. This is especially bad to do to me since you never know what kind of self-defense mechanism I might be bearing at that time. I'm just giving you fair warning so that when you get busted in the head with a size-10 Nine West heel, you can't blame me. (My kung fu is strong.)
Here are some tips for you guys to be better managers:
1) Stop asking random ass personal questions about my life. It goes from making conversation to just being creepy. Especially since you have copies of my apartment key and you ask what time i usually get home. So not cool.
2) Stop trying to enforce noise violation codes when you own a motorcycle that sounds like WWIII in the parking lot. You know, at 1am on a Tuesday, people are usually sleeping and don't have the luxury/insanity to ride around on a motorcycle. Just a thought.
3) Don't stroll up on my house guests and start telling them that they can't hang out on my patio. You dumb trick! Those antics could get you faded in the hood. You're just lucky we don't live in the hood.
4) Fix the faucet. It's been messed up since I moved in and you guys refuse to fix it. Don't be surprised if I hold your crack money, i mean, rent checks for a few extra days until you fix it.
5) Quit your full-time jobs. It might help you guys to be better landlords. Otherwise, you are gonna hear me talking shit about you after every encounter we have. You guys deserve it. Only an asshole would call the cops on us at 7pm just because we were playing Cranium too loud. It was Saturday, you prick, don't hate just b/c YOU don't have any plans for the weekend.
With these great tips in mind, you guys should be in tip top shape by next year.
Keep up the great work!
TR
Who the hell are you guys? No, seriously, WHO are you? I've only seen the twos of yous about 1 time each, and that was when you were individually handing out verbal warnings about double parking and "illegal bbq'ing". You guys are ass-wipes, seriously. How can you just walk up to someone you don't even know and who doesn't even recognize you as the landlord, and commence to tell them how they "can't" do something? I mean, you might wanna start introducing yourself to ppl since you are NEVER around in the daytime, none of my neighbors know what you look like, and mostly all of the tenants think that you guys are the crackhead twins. Also, the word "asshole" is occasionally tossed around when referring to either of you. That's not necessarily a GOOD thing, guys.
I'm not saying you have to be nice, just be present. It does WONDERS for the comfort and animosity levels of your apartment dwellers if they can actually see you walking around the complex cleaning, or maybe painting that freakin wall that those little tweeners wrote love tags all over. It does NOT do you guys any good or make your rent checks arrive any sooner when you roam around the apartment at all hours of the night, quietly approach a resident, and then start running off at the mouth about oil spots in the parking lot. This is especially bad to do to me since you never know what kind of self-defense mechanism I might be bearing at that time. I'm just giving you fair warning so that when you get busted in the head with a size-10 Nine West heel, you can't blame me. (My kung fu is strong.)
Here are some tips for you guys to be better managers:
1) Stop asking random ass personal questions about my life. It goes from making conversation to just being creepy. Especially since you have copies of my apartment key and you ask what time i usually get home. So not cool.
2) Stop trying to enforce noise violation codes when you own a motorcycle that sounds like WWIII in the parking lot. You know, at 1am on a Tuesday, people are usually sleeping and don't have the luxury/insanity to ride around on a motorcycle. Just a thought.
3) Don't stroll up on my house guests and start telling them that they can't hang out on my patio. You dumb trick! Those antics could get you faded in the hood. You're just lucky we don't live in the hood.
4) Fix the faucet. It's been messed up since I moved in and you guys refuse to fix it. Don't be surprised if I hold your crack money, i mean, rent checks for a few extra days until you fix it.
5) Quit your full-time jobs. It might help you guys to be better landlords. Otherwise, you are gonna hear me talking shit about you after every encounter we have. You guys deserve it. Only an asshole would call the cops on us at 7pm just because we were playing Cranium too loud. It was Saturday, you prick, don't hate just b/c YOU don't have any plans for the weekend.
With these great tips in mind, you guys should be in tip top shape by next year.
Keep up the great work!
TR
Dear apartment managers,
Who the hell are you guys? No, seriously, WHO are you? I've only seen the twos of yous about 1 time each, and that was when you were individually handing out verbal warnings about double parking and "illegal bbq'ing". You guys are ass-wipes, seriously. How can you just walk up to someone you don't even know and who doesn't even recognize you as the landlord, and commence to tell them how they "can't" do something? I mean, you might wanna start introducing yourself to ppl since you are NEVER around in the daytime, none of my neighbors know what you look like, and mostly all of the tenants think that you guys are the crackhead twins. Also, the word "asshole" is occasionally tossed around when referring to either of you. That's not necessarily a GOOD thing, guys.
I'm not saying you have to be nice, just be present. It does WONDERS for the comfort and animosity levels of your apartment dwellers if they can actually see you walking around the complex cleaning, or maybe painting that freakin wall that those little tweeners wrote love tags all over. It does NOT do you guys any good or make your rent checks arrive any sooner when you roam around the apartment at all hours of the night, quietly approach a resident, and then start running off at the mouth about oil spots in the parking lot. This is especially bad to do to me since you never know what kind of self-defense mechanism I might be bearing at that time. I'm just giving you fair warning so that when you get busted in the head with a size-10 Nine West heel, you can't blame me. (My kung fu is strong.)
Here are some tips for you guys to be better managers:
1) Stop asking random ass personal questions about my life. It goes from making conversation to just being creepy. Especially since you have copies of my apartment key and you ask what time i usually get home. So not cool.
2) Stop trying to enforce noise violation codes when you own a motorcycle that sounds like WWIII in the parking lot. You know, at 1am on a Tuesday, people are usually sleeping and don't have the luxury/insanity to ride around on a motorcycle. Just a thought.
3) Don't stroll up on my house guests and start telling them that they can't hang out on my patio. You dumb trick! Those antics could get you faded in the hood. You're just lucky we don't live in the hood.
4) Fix the faucet. It's been messed up since I moved in and you guys refuse to fix it. Don't be surprised if I hold your crack money, i mean, rent checks for a few extra days until you fix it.
5) Quit your full-time jobs. It might help you guys to be better landlords. Otherwise, you are gonna hear me talking shit about you after every encounter we have. You guys deserve it. Only an asshole would call the cops on us at 7pm just because we were playing Cranium too loud. It was Saturday, you prick, don't hate just b/c YOU don't have any plans for the weekend.
With these great tips in mind, you guys should be in tip top shape by next year.
Keep up the great work!
TR
Who the hell are you guys? No, seriously, WHO are you? I've only seen the twos of yous about 1 time each, and that was when you were individually handing out verbal warnings about double parking and "illegal bbq'ing". You guys are ass-wipes, seriously. How can you just walk up to someone you don't even know and who doesn't even recognize you as the landlord, and commence to tell them how they "can't" do something? I mean, you might wanna start introducing yourself to ppl since you are NEVER around in the daytime, none of my neighbors know what you look like, and mostly all of the tenants think that you guys are the crackhead twins. Also, the word "asshole" is occasionally tossed around when referring to either of you. That's not necessarily a GOOD thing, guys.
I'm not saying you have to be nice, just be present. It does WONDERS for the comfort and animosity levels of your apartment dwellers if they can actually see you walking around the complex cleaning, or maybe painting that freakin wall that those little tweeners wrote love tags all over. It does NOT do you guys any good or make your rent checks arrive any sooner when you roam around the apartment at all hours of the night, quietly approach a resident, and then start running off at the mouth about oil spots in the parking lot. This is especially bad to do to me since you never know what kind of self-defense mechanism I might be bearing at that time. I'm just giving you fair warning so that when you get busted in the head with a size-10 Nine West heel, you can't blame me. (My kung fu is strong.)
Here are some tips for you guys to be better managers:
1) Stop asking random ass personal questions about my life. It goes from making conversation to just being creepy. Especially since you have copies of my apartment key and you ask what time i usually get home. So not cool.
2) Stop trying to enforce noise violation codes when you own a motorcycle that sounds like WWIII in the parking lot. You know, at 1am on a Tuesday, people are usually sleeping and don't have the luxury/insanity to ride around on a motorcycle. Just a thought.
3) Don't stroll up on my house guests and start telling them that they can't hang out on my patio. You dumb trick! Those antics could get you faded in the hood. You're just lucky we don't live in the hood.
4) Fix the faucet. It's been messed up since I moved in and you guys refuse to fix it. Don't be surprised if I hold your crack money, i mean, rent checks for a few extra days until you fix it.
5) Quit your full-time jobs. It might help you guys to be better landlords. Otherwise, you are gonna hear me talking shit about you after every encounter we have. You guys deserve it. Only an asshole would call the cops on us at 7pm just because we were playing Cranium too loud. It was Saturday, you prick, don't hate just b/c YOU don't have any plans for the weekend.
With these great tips in mind, you guys should be in tip top shape by next year.
Keep up the great work!
TR
Dear life,
Nobody ever tells you that being single is so much more expensive than having a man. Since when do I have to buy my own drinks, meals and cab rides? I thought it would be pretty sweet to be unattached for once- and it's not bad... but I don't know how much longer I can afford my expensive/fabulous lifestyle.
Single and fabulous?
~LaDiva~
Nobody ever tells you that being single is so much more expensive than having a man. Since when do I have to buy my own drinks, meals and cab rides? I thought it would be pretty sweet to be unattached for once- and it's not bad... but I don't know how much longer I can afford my expensive/fabulous lifestyle.
Single and fabulous?
~LaDiva~
To my darling little dog Gracie,
Let's have a little chat. You know that I love you to death and that I think you are awesome. You are trained well, everyone loves you and you have such a great personality.
However, I was a little apprehensive when I walked through the door last night after work and you came up to me with your head down instead of in full-on freak out wagging your whole body mode. That always means something is wrong. I looked around to survey the damage and saw that you had destroyed an envelope on the couch. So far, no big deal - it's not like you tear anything up on a regular basis. Hey, at least you contained the mess to a small circle on the couch.
Then, I saw the puke. Two piles on the love seat and three piles on the big couch. I must admit, I am a little concerned considering you weigh twelve pounds. I was not aware that it was possible for such a small animal to puke so much. In fact, I was not even aware your stomach would hold that much to throw up.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm not angry at you. But if you feel like practicing for the vomit olympics again, could you maybe just do it on the floor so it's easier to clean up? And maybe on a day when your daddy is off work so he can take care of it?
Love,
Mama
Let's have a little chat. You know that I love you to death and that I think you are awesome. You are trained well, everyone loves you and you have such a great personality.
However, I was a little apprehensive when I walked through the door last night after work and you came up to me with your head down instead of in full-on freak out wagging your whole body mode. That always means something is wrong. I looked around to survey the damage and saw that you had destroyed an envelope on the couch. So far, no big deal - it's not like you tear anything up on a regular basis. Hey, at least you contained the mess to a small circle on the couch.
Then, I saw the puke. Two piles on the love seat and three piles on the big couch. I must admit, I am a little concerned considering you weigh twelve pounds. I was not aware that it was possible for such a small animal to puke so much. In fact, I was not even aware your stomach would hold that much to throw up.
I just wanted to let you know that I'm not angry at you. But if you feel like practicing for the vomit olympics again, could you maybe just do it on the floor so it's easier to clean up? And maybe on a day when your daddy is off work so he can take care of it?
Love,
Mama
Dear co-worker,
Thank you for telling me yesterday that you hoped your daughter would "one day grow up and be as wholesome" as I am. I was quite appreciative of your comment.
However, I'm pretty sure you have mis-judged me. In fact, I almost fell to the floor laughing when you told me this. I then called my friends and my parents to tell them about this comment and only laughter ensued (Dad had to put Mom on the phone because he was almost crying, my then reacted with 'hah, you're no Virgin Mary')
I'm guessing he didn't hear about how I slept in another one of our co-worker's beds...or the fight I got into this weekend...or any of the other non-wholesome activities I take part in on a bi-hourly basis.
Today I put on the preppiest outfit I could find in my closet. Hey-- I'm trying to keep up the facade ;)
How did I pull this one off?
-Em
Thank you for telling me yesterday that you hoped your daughter would "one day grow up and be as wholesome" as I am. I was quite appreciative of your comment.
However, I'm pretty sure you have mis-judged me. In fact, I almost fell to the floor laughing when you told me this. I then called my friends and my parents to tell them about this comment and only laughter ensued (Dad had to put Mom on the phone because he was almost crying, my then reacted with 'hah, you're no Virgin Mary')
I'm guessing he didn't hear about how I slept in another one of our co-worker's beds...or the fight I got into this weekend...or any of the other non-wholesome activities I take part in on a bi-hourly basis.
Today I put on the preppiest outfit I could find in my closet. Hey-- I'm trying to keep up the facade ;)
How did I pull this one off?
-Em
Dear My Stockbroker:
Remember back in September when you told me I was insane to sell off 1/3 of all my stocks? Remember when you said it was stupid to invest based on rumors of recession and macroeconomic indicators like inflation and the Fed rate? Good thing I didn't listen, huh? How much more would I have lost in the last 9 months?
Thanks for trying to lose me shitloads more money you incompetent fucktard. If I'm going to pay pay somebody for doing nothing, they need to be smarter. Hove fun being fired.
-T
Remember back in September when you told me I was insane to sell off 1/3 of all my stocks? Remember when you said it was stupid to invest based on rumors of recession and macroeconomic indicators like inflation and the Fed rate? Good thing I didn't listen, huh? How much more would I have lost in the last 9 months?
Thanks for trying to lose me shitloads more money you incompetent fucktard. If I'm going to pay pay somebody for doing nothing, they need to be smarter. Hove fun being fired.
-T
Dear NY,
Yeah, you didn't really WOW me. You kind of just sat there and looked dumb and let me run around thinking I was having a great time.
For one, I thought there were tons of sexy Puerto Rican men to go around. And not that I need a man, cuz I gots one, but ain't nothing wrong with looking. However, the only cute one I saw decided to latch onto my uninterested friend and counter-cockblock* me all night. (*when a guy counters your intentional or unintentional cockblocking techniques)
Second, Times Square is 1200% hype. IDK WTF the big deal is really. It's a giant P. Diddy sign. Whoopdi-freakin-do!!! Wait, what's that you say? Giant M&M store? No way! Steal my heart! I'm convinced, diabolical geniuses are plotting to overthrow our democratic country via Times Square. What a crock of capitalist BS.
Next, the clubs closing at 4am really does NOTHING for me. Especially since I am from CA and we are 3 hrs behind. Thus, if i'm still running on L.A. time, that 4am out there is actually 1am to me. So since our clubs close at 2am, I'm actually LOSING an hour of clubbin out there. That's wack as hell!
Oh yeah, and the city never sleeps because it is afraid of being jacked on the subway, or whilst walking down the street, or being attacked by a big ass rat monster. WTF? I have NEVER witnessed so much trash, bums, trashy bums, suspicious looking characters, tricksters, hoodlums, swindlers, con-artists, and ragamuffins in my life. And they ALL ride the subway. EVERYONE rides the subway. All the time. Every day. At all hours of the night. So all these "interesting individuals" spend their time conjuring up plans to get hands on that hard earned Fiver in your pocket, all while at the same time trying to wipe out the competition. For example, while riding the subway one afternoon, my friend and I had the "pleasure" of witnessing: 1 poem about children, 2 "in DIRE need of help" monologues (the same monologue from two different bums, btw), and a toothless rendition of the Temptations "Ain't too Proud to beg". This was all over the course of 20-mins, and I didn't give a silver dollar to ANY of them. *sadness*
Anyway, NY you disappointed me. I think I'll visit again and give you another try, but this time, my expectations will be the equivalent of Rihanna's talent, which is zero...and I'll bring more disinfectant.
Grateful for my car,
TR
Yeah, you didn't really WOW me. You kind of just sat there and looked dumb and let me run around thinking I was having a great time.
For one, I thought there were tons of sexy Puerto Rican men to go around. And not that I need a man, cuz I gots one, but ain't nothing wrong with looking. However, the only cute one I saw decided to latch onto my uninterested friend and counter-cockblock* me all night. (*when a guy counters your intentional or unintentional cockblocking techniques)
Second, Times Square is 1200% hype. IDK WTF the big deal is really. It's a giant P. Diddy sign. Whoopdi-freakin-do!!! Wait, what's that you say? Giant M&M store? No way! Steal my heart! I'm convinced, diabolical geniuses are plotting to overthrow our democratic country via Times Square. What a crock of capitalist BS.
Next, the clubs closing at 4am really does NOTHING for me. Especially since I am from CA and we are 3 hrs behind. Thus, if i'm still running on L.A. time, that 4am out there is actually 1am to me. So since our clubs close at 2am, I'm actually LOSING an hour of clubbin out there. That's wack as hell!
Oh yeah, and the city never sleeps because it is afraid of being jacked on the subway, or whilst walking down the street, or being attacked by a big ass rat monster. WTF? I have NEVER witnessed so much trash, bums, trashy bums, suspicious looking characters, tricksters, hoodlums, swindlers, con-artists, and ragamuffins in my life. And they ALL ride the subway. EVERYONE rides the subway. All the time. Every day. At all hours of the night. So all these "interesting individuals" spend their time conjuring up plans to get hands on that hard earned Fiver in your pocket, all while at the same time trying to wipe out the competition. For example, while riding the subway one afternoon, my friend and I had the "pleasure" of witnessing: 1 poem about children, 2 "in DIRE need of help" monologues (the same monologue from two different bums, btw), and a toothless rendition of the Temptations "Ain't too Proud to beg". This was all over the course of 20-mins, and I didn't give a silver dollar to ANY of them. *sadness*
Anyway, NY you disappointed me. I think I'll visit again and give you another try, but this time, my expectations will be the equivalent of Rihanna's talent, which is zero...and I'll bring more disinfectant.
Grateful for my car,
TR
Dear people with whom I share an office,
1. Uncomfortable, shy girl: You're okay and all, but you're never going to become a good journalist if you don't come out of the shell a little. Plus that article you did about our project had so many flaws. It was like you weren't listening to us at all. Also, your computer ... makes this sound ... every 5 seconds. I don't know if it just sucks (which is unlikely, it looks like a newer laptop), or if you really access hard disk that much, or perhaps you're running your OS off of a CD-ROM, but it's obnoxious considering how uncomfortably quiet this office tends to be.
2. Guy who talks on the phone really loudly: I may sound like an old woman here, but I HATE sudden loud noises. I realize that it's rather silly since I live in the city, but when you suddenly start talking, breaking the intense silence of this office, I want to throw something at you. Moreover, you do it about twice an hour. Why are you getting so many calls? Are you a drug dealer?
3. Other guy: you cool. I wish you weren't gone all the time, doing things that are very obviously more important than what I do. You actually talk to me when I try to make conversation.
Okay, so sometimes even the littlest things in the office get on your nerves.
Not to mention that the mayonnaise in the fridge in our kitchen is about a month and a half past the expiration date, too. So I am going to be eating a very fishy tuna salad on my crackers today. Damn.
I wish that if I took my stuff home, I would actually be able to do work there. Usually it doesn't get touched. But I am much better off leaving work at work, so I can relax when I'm at home.
the real world SUCKS,
ML
1. Uncomfortable, shy girl: You're okay and all, but you're never going to become a good journalist if you don't come out of the shell a little. Plus that article you did about our project had so many flaws. It was like you weren't listening to us at all. Also, your computer ... makes this sound ... every 5 seconds. I don't know if it just sucks (which is unlikely, it looks like a newer laptop), or if you really access hard disk that much, or perhaps you're running your OS off of a CD-ROM, but it's obnoxious considering how uncomfortably quiet this office tends to be.
2. Guy who talks on the phone really loudly: I may sound like an old woman here, but I HATE sudden loud noises. I realize that it's rather silly since I live in the city, but when you suddenly start talking, breaking the intense silence of this office, I want to throw something at you. Moreover, you do it about twice an hour. Why are you getting so many calls? Are you a drug dealer?
3. Other guy: you cool. I wish you weren't gone all the time, doing things that are very obviously more important than what I do. You actually talk to me when I try to make conversation.
Okay, so sometimes even the littlest things in the office get on your nerves.
Not to mention that the mayonnaise in the fridge in our kitchen is about a month and a half past the expiration date, too. So I am going to be eating a very fishy tuna salad on my crackers today. Damn.
I wish that if I took my stuff home, I would actually be able to do work there. Usually it doesn't get touched. But I am much better off leaving work at work, so I can relax when I'm at home.
the real world SUCKS,
ML
Dear Self,
Stop being a slutface. The date was fun. The beach, the kite flying, and driving in a convertible were all very romantic and perfect. But you felt very little chemistry (not no chemistry, but definitely no topsy turvy stomach flips). Yet, you kissed him. A kiss is harmless (especially when it is in the ocean after flying a kite together). It all seemed innocent enough, until your dumbass went back to his place. I was going to stop him at kissing but when he touched the places that my bathing suit covered, I just couldn't say no. So I closed my eyes and was selfish as hell. A girl's got needs to. Oops.
Thank goodness you shaved,
M in SF
Stop being a slutface. The date was fun. The beach, the kite flying, and driving in a convertible were all very romantic and perfect. But you felt very little chemistry (not no chemistry, but definitely no topsy turvy stomach flips). Yet, you kissed him. A kiss is harmless (especially when it is in the ocean after flying a kite together). It all seemed innocent enough, until your dumbass went back to his place. I was going to stop him at kissing but when he touched the places that my bathing suit covered, I just couldn't say no. So I closed my eyes and was selfish as hell. A girl's got needs to. Oops.
Thank goodness you shaved,
M in SF
Dear Self,
Sooo I don't know why you were all anxious to meet the New Crush's girlfriend in two weekends. In fact, that's probably evidence that you are certifiable. Therefore, we are going to go camping and tubing that weekend, instead. If she and he are as much on the potential marriage track as they apparently are (despite being led to believe otherwise as recently as two months ago) then I guess I'll have more than enough time to torture myself with her presence. Why prolong the agony of knowing from personal experience how cute and blonde and Midwestern she is?
Camping with a bunch of lesbians will be fun!
R
Sooo I don't know why you were all anxious to meet the New Crush's girlfriend in two weekends. In fact, that's probably evidence that you are certifiable. Therefore, we are going to go camping and tubing that weekend, instead. If she and he are as much on the potential marriage track as they apparently are (despite being led to believe otherwise as recently as two months ago) then I guess I'll have more than enough time to torture myself with her presence. Why prolong the agony of knowing from personal experience how cute and blonde and Midwestern she is?
Camping with a bunch of lesbians will be fun!
R
Dear Dear-Lifers,
Would you people start living out some juicy stories and writing about them already? I am at work, bored because I've exhausted all forms of avoidance of actual work, and I've got another hour to kill. I have resorted to reading random articles on Wikipedia. I have even read MinSF's blog in its entirety (which, by the way, is pretty amusing - check it out). I would write something good for Dear Life, but my life is pretty boring lately. I am no longer single, so I don't have any juicy drama. Ironically, there isn't anyone at work who annoys the shit out of me. I've got nothin'.
I'm going to start facebook-stalking soon,
ML
Would you people start living out some juicy stories and writing about them already? I am at work, bored because I've exhausted all forms of avoidance of actual work, and I've got another hour to kill. I have resorted to reading random articles on Wikipedia. I have even read MinSF's blog in its entirety (which, by the way, is pretty amusing - check it out). I would write something good for Dear Life, but my life is pretty boring lately. I am no longer single, so I don't have any juicy drama. Ironically, there isn't anyone at work who annoys the shit out of me. I've got nothin'.
I'm going to start facebook-stalking soon,
ML
Dear facebook "friends,"
Me posting my random pics does not entitle you to write on my wall and/or comment if we haven't talked in years... or ever. Why are we even "friends"? It's kind of sketch that you're eyeing my photos when I don't clearly remember who you are. On a seperate note- all the other people who I'm 100% sure I've never met really need to stop "following me" on Twitter... I'm not really that interesting.
Sketched out by social media,
~LaDiva~
Me posting my random pics does not entitle you to write on my wall and/or comment if we haven't talked in years... or ever. Why are we even "friends"? It's kind of sketch that you're eyeing my photos when I don't clearly remember who you are. On a seperate note- all the other people who I'm 100% sure I've never met really need to stop "following me" on Twitter... I'm not really that interesting.
Sketched out by social media,
~LaDiva~
Dear Dear Lifers,
Allow me to sum my life up for you in haiku:
Dear My Ex-Boyfriend,
Even though we aren't dating
You have made me smile.
Dear Crush's Girlfriend,
I'm meeting you in two weeks?!?
I better get thin.
Dear Lack of A/C,
Sleeping nude is only fun
Post-getting booty.
Dear God, Are You There?
It's me, R, and we should chat
About why I'm alone. :(
Dear Brita Filter,
You will bring me clean water.
Yay! No more chlorine!
Love,
R
Allow me to sum my life up for you in haiku:
Dear My Ex-Boyfriend,
Even though we aren't dating
You have made me smile.
Dear Crush's Girlfriend,
I'm meeting you in two weeks?!?
I better get thin.
Dear Lack of A/C,
Sleeping nude is only fun
Post-getting booty.
Dear God, Are You There?
It's me, R, and we should chat
About why I'm alone. :(
Dear Brita Filter,
You will bring me clean water.
Yay! No more chlorine!
Love,
R
Dear Puss-ay,
I know you've thoroughly enjoyed your all-natural stage. But I've got a date to go to the beach tomorrow with a hottie patottie and I don't exactly what you blowin' in the wind. So I'm gonna have to bring out the weed whacker and shave ya down. Which means you might get some attention (from someone rather than from something).
It's for the best. I promise.
M in SF
I know you've thoroughly enjoyed your all-natural stage. But I've got a date to go to the beach tomorrow with a hottie patottie and I don't exactly what you blowin' in the wind. So I'm gonna have to bring out the weed whacker and shave ya down. Which means you might get some attention (from someone rather than from something).
It's for the best. I promise.
M in SF
Dear Boyfriend,
Please stop giving me a guilt trip because I would like to sleep in my own bed. Sure, I love staying with you, but I like my new home, new bedroom and my cat. Its also a hell of a lot easier to get to work sans the trip (via public transportation) from your South end of the city all the way to my beloved East End. I know you just got home from Florida and all....but I want my pillows.
-cj
Please stop giving me a guilt trip because I would like to sleep in my own bed. Sure, I love staying with you, but I like my new home, new bedroom and my cat. Its also a hell of a lot easier to get to work sans the trip (via public transportation) from your South end of the city all the way to my beloved East End. I know you just got home from Florida and all....but I want my pillows.
-cj
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)