Dear baby sister,
I know that last year you turned 19, and thus making you a self-proclaimed "adult", but how about laying off the childish games for like 5 minutes. I mean, at first, it was kinda cute for you to broadcast your entire LIFE on your away message on a daily basis. But seriously, you are now up to HOURLY updates, and i'm considering the possibility that maybe you have stopped going to class just so that you can update your sidekick.
If we were to include in all this, the fact that EVERY SINGLE TIME, you put up some "controversial" message, you end up offending someone and getting into some kind of confrontation. Is that the purpose of your phone? is that why I pay $100 a month to keep it on? So that you can be 500 miles away from home, fighting like a drunken gypsy or something? I don't think so.
Hate to pull second-string parent here on ya, Kid sis, but...(**Warning: Parental language to follow**) I work too hard at a job that I don't like, for you to be running a muck with lil bastards that have nothing to do with your education, grades, or overall well being. I could honestly give a rat's ass if you ever have friends at all. I don't care, as long as you graduate from college, you spoiled, inconsiderate little brat! *deep breath*
Here's a tip: if you need to say something that you feel strongly about, be like me. I would much rather hide behind the cloak of modern technology and use random blogs to vent my frustrations and then sign off with clever alias' such as "sexymama08", "TR" and "girl without a name", then to use my real name and pretty much email my feelings to all my close friends and loved ones.
Oh yeah, and this whole pseudo-bipolar thing (happy one minute, "depressed" another) is soooooo Britney 2007.
Being the best big sister I can be without choking her drama-queen ass out,
TR
Dear BF,
I am attempting to plan your bday party thats in april and I need to think of a theme. You suggested "computers".
...
I am not sure if that is even a theme at all ("Dress up like Bill Gates...green lights...binary", he says. how nerdy cute is that?!), but I'll see what I can do. Anything for my brainiac boo.
Anyone know anything about binary?
TR
I am attempting to plan your bday party thats in april and I need to think of a theme. You suggested "computers".
...
I am not sure if that is even a theme at all ("Dress up like Bill Gates...green lights...binary", he says. how nerdy cute is that?!), but I'll see what I can do. Anything for my brainiac boo.
Anyone know anything about binary?
TR
Dear New Ankle Boots I Ordered Online,
Please come soon! You are just too cute to not be on my feet right now, and I really really want you to arrive before my birthday next weekend, so I can traipse around in you and forget about the fact that I'm turning TWENTY THREE and am just a few short years from shriveling up and turning into an old maid with 234982796583274 cats who only wears slippers and gardening shoes.
You're My Only Hope,
CF
Please come soon! You are just too cute to not be on my feet right now, and I really really want you to arrive before my birthday next weekend, so I can traipse around in you and forget about the fact that I'm turning TWENTY THREE and am just a few short years from shriveling up and turning into an old maid with 234982796583274 cats who only wears slippers and gardening shoes.
You're My Only Hope,
CF
Free Rice!
While we're on the subject of changing our insanely prodigal ways, I stumbled upon this website a few weeks ago and am kind of obsessed (especially because I love learning new words).
For every one you get right, you donate 20 grains of rice to a third world country.
Freerice.com
kinda badass.
For every one you get right, you donate 20 grains of rice to a third world country.
Freerice.com
kinda badass.
Dear Vans.com,
Thank you for helping me kill time customizing a shoe I'll never be able to buy.
Good times,
ML
Thank you for helping me kill time customizing a shoe I'll never be able to buy.
Good times,
ML
Dear MTV,
I know over the past several years you've been catching heat for failing to ever actually play music while you claim to be "Music Television". Unfortunately, adding 30 seconds of some J-List emo band hanging around a camp fire singing songs and reminiscing about 2 years ago when they were teens (aka sooo long ago!) does not rectify the fact that you are nothing you stand for anymore. We all know Audrina is a total fuckin fake and we're over it. Now play me some Kanye or maybe a little Jack's Mannequin. Thanks.
Love,
A
I know over the past several years you've been catching heat for failing to ever actually play music while you claim to be "Music Television". Unfortunately, adding 30 seconds of some J-List emo band hanging around a camp fire singing songs and reminiscing about 2 years ago when they were teens (aka sooo long ago!) does not rectify the fact that you are nothing you stand for anymore. We all know Audrina is a total fuckin fake and we're over it. Now play me some Kanye or maybe a little Jack's Mannequin. Thanks.
Love,
A
Dear Today,
Could you get any worse? First I wake up to the phone ringing, only to see it's work. WTF don't call me before I'm supposed to even be there and expect me to help with the crisis of the moment. Sleep is more important to me that work will ever be. Then I get to work and it only goes down hill from there, but we don't need to relive that. I then come home to my toilet leaking through my ceiling which, I just spent 300 bones to get fixed. So after I mop that up I sit down to watch some shows in my DVR, instead I hear a terrible noise coming from the box, like it's about to take off or something. I call the cable company and they tell me to reset it, in turn cancelling my American Idol recording, and never coming back on. Thus I have lost everything in my DVR and I can no longer watch TV until they come out on Friday to give me a new box. At this point I'm so pissed I go outside to smoke a cig, and somehow manage to lock myself out. Just wonderful. My cell phone is dying and I am in bright orange and yellow pj's in the now pouring down rain. I quickly call a friend to get an emergency
locksmith's number(thank god for friends!). 35 mins later two slightly shady charcters arrive to 'break' into my house, and in mere seconds have my door open (kinda scary). 100 bones later, I am finally back in my warm house wishing this day would end promptly!
Hoping tomorrow is just slightly better,
L
Could you get any worse? First I wake up to the phone ringing, only to see it's work. WTF don't call me before I'm supposed to even be there and expect me to help with the crisis of the moment. Sleep is more important to me that work will ever be. Then I get to work and it only goes down hill from there, but we don't need to relive that. I then come home to my toilet leaking through my ceiling which, I just spent 300 bones to get fixed. So after I mop that up I sit down to watch some shows in my DVR, instead I hear a terrible noise coming from the box, like it's about to take off or something. I call the cable company and they tell me to reset it, in turn cancelling my American Idol recording, and never coming back on. Thus I have lost everything in my DVR and I can no longer watch TV until they come out on Friday to give me a new box. At this point I'm so pissed I go outside to smoke a cig, and somehow manage to lock myself out. Just wonderful. My cell phone is dying and I am in bright orange and yellow pj's in the now pouring down rain. I quickly call a friend to get an emergency
locksmith's number(thank god for friends!). 35 mins later two slightly shady charcters arrive to 'break' into my house, and in mere seconds have my door open (kinda scary). 100 bones later, I am finally back in my warm house wishing this day would end promptly!
Hoping tomorrow is just slightly better,
L
D2, thanks for sending this. I'm so glad I spent dinner arguing with bf about why he shouldn't feel bad about sometimes spending money frivolously even though he would rather be giving it to people like this...I am a huge asshole.
Dear Life,
We are so very fortunate ... all of us. But we all fail when things like this are allowed to happen.
d2
Dear Life,
We are so very fortunate ... all of us. But we all fail when things like this are allowed to happen.
d2
Dear Gap.com,
Thanks for that trouser jeans shaped hole in my bank account. Worth every penny.
Guess it's back to Ramen and cereal,
cel
Thanks for that trouser jeans shaped hole in my bank account. Worth every penny.
Guess it's back to Ramen and cereal,
cel
Dear Guitar Playing Coworker,
Yesterday morning you made a point of coming over to introduce yourself, and today you sat next to me at lunch and made semi-awkward small talk and did super cute things like get my dessert for me. I won't lie, I'm kind of stoked- I've had a tiny crush on you ever since the corporate Christmas party where you wore a hot pink shirt and a wig and played guitar for the inhouse eighties cover band (WHAT is it about men with guitars?!?!). Tall, skinny, british and plays guitar= almost irresistable.
But resist I'm afraid I must. See, as adorable as you are, I'm kind of super smitten with the British Bloke and trying to give this whole monagamy thing a whirl. But please feel free to shower me with attention and desserts some more.
It's not my fault everybody in this country thinks I'm adorable,
Shameless
Yesterday morning you made a point of coming over to introduce yourself, and today you sat next to me at lunch and made semi-awkward small talk and did super cute things like get my dessert for me. I won't lie, I'm kind of stoked- I've had a tiny crush on you ever since the corporate Christmas party where you wore a hot pink shirt and a wig and played guitar for the inhouse eighties cover band (WHAT is it about men with guitars?!?!). Tall, skinny, british and plays guitar= almost irresistable.
But resist I'm afraid I must. See, as adorable as you are, I'm kind of super smitten with the British Bloke and trying to give this whole monagamy thing a whirl. But please feel free to shower me with attention and desserts some more.
It's not my fault everybody in this country thinks I'm adorable,
Shameless
Dear Life,
Will someone please tell me why it's ok for guys who pretend to lift weights to take over the weight area of the gym? My favorite thing ever is when I go to lift my 3 lbs. weights and am forced to sit next to a group of degenerate males who are lifting weights that are clearly way too heavy for them. If your friend has to have his hands on yours while you lift weights you probably shouldn't be lifting the damn weights because guess what genius: THEY'RE TOO DAMN HEAVY FOR YOU. I also love walking over to the "man" area (the weight lifting area of the gym) and seeing guys sitting on the benches with their big weights sitting at their feet—ok we see you with your big weights wasting space and looking like a jackass and guess what we're thinking: You're an idiot. This entire rant comes from the fact that while I was minding my own business, lifting my 3lbs weights, one of the guys who was lifting the weights that were way too heavy for him in the first place dropped his weights, because they are way too heavy for him, on my foot. NEWS FLASH: IF YOU CAN'T SET THE DAMN WEIGHT ON THE GROUND WITHOUT INJURING SOMEONE THEN YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS LIFTING THEM DUMBASS. And besides, most of the guys who lift weights now who are of college age or going into college are only going develop a beer gut anyway so you might as well quit before you wage a war you will never win. Moral of the story: girls who look like me and look at guys who lift weights that are too heavy for them laugh and thank god they had something amazingly pathetic to look at that day. Makes us feel that much better about ourselves!
Hearts and Stars,
Anna Kathryn
Will someone please tell me why it's ok for guys who pretend to lift weights to take over the weight area of the gym? My favorite thing ever is when I go to lift my 3 lbs. weights and am forced to sit next to a group of degenerate males who are lifting weights that are clearly way too heavy for them. If your friend has to have his hands on yours while you lift weights you probably shouldn't be lifting the damn weights because guess what genius: THEY'RE TOO DAMN HEAVY FOR YOU. I also love walking over to the "man" area (the weight lifting area of the gym) and seeing guys sitting on the benches with their big weights sitting at their feet—ok we see you with your big weights wasting space and looking like a jackass and guess what we're thinking: You're an idiot. This entire rant comes from the fact that while I was minding my own business, lifting my 3lbs weights, one of the guys who was lifting the weights that were way too heavy for him in the first place dropped his weights, because they are way too heavy for him, on my foot. NEWS FLASH: IF YOU CAN'T SET THE DAMN WEIGHT ON THE GROUND WITHOUT INJURING SOMEONE THEN YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS LIFTING THEM DUMBASS. And besides, most of the guys who lift weights now who are of college age or going into college are only going develop a beer gut anyway so you might as well quit before you wage a war you will never win. Moral of the story: girls who look like me and look at guys who lift weights that are too heavy for them laugh and thank god they had something amazingly pathetic to look at that day. Makes us feel that much better about ourselves!
Hearts and Stars,
Anna Kathryn
Dear Unattainable Coworker,
I wish I had the willpower to lie and tell you I never wanted to see you again, because I suspect that's the only way I'll ever be able to move on. I already doubt that I'll ever be able to get over you, but if I could at least move on, if I could at least stop spending every day wanting to be with you, wishing you'd picked me, thinking about how happy I am when I'm around you... maybe I wouldn't be sitting here, seriously questioning my sanity.
You're my drug, but I was just your cigarette,
R
I wish I had the willpower to lie and tell you I never wanted to see you again, because I suspect that's the only way I'll ever be able to move on. I already doubt that I'll ever be able to get over you, but if I could at least move on, if I could at least stop spending every day wanting to be with you, wishing you'd picked me, thinking about how happy I am when I'm around you... maybe I wouldn't be sitting here, seriously questioning my sanity.
You're my drug, but I was just your cigarette,
R
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