Dear Red Polka Dot Dress,
You have been dancing past my office all day. I can't help but take notice of how very bright, and loosely fitting you are. I can only imagine how you got here today. I'm sure it started with the simple question - What to wear? Why of course … the velvet polka dot dress I have been hiding away!!! You have been quite distracting this afternoon, yet a saving grace.
The heavy-set women you so graciously adorn is simply radiating in your velour-ious fabric. I must give you credit for concealing the extra rolls of frumpy fat, typically navigating the halls. I commend you for providing full coverage of the expansive FUPA prominently boomeranging around. Hallelujah!I didn't know she owed something so practical that was capable of augmenting her perfect human sphere, equal in width and height. I thought I would never meet you.
Although I didn't know velvet was back in style? In fact, I don't recall a velvet fad at all. You are truly velour-ious and mystifying. You keep rockin’ those blue and red polka dots. And even though people may frequently ridicule you or become fixated on your antiquated style, and even alienate you because of your unusual elegance, don’t feel badly! You are truly a victim of societies’ naïveté. The full coverage you provide is uncommon, and even wickedly illustrious. You are an artist and a bandage for the fupa phenomenon; common with men and women so afflicted by the over consumption of Big Mac’s and Milkshakes, a sad result of our fast food nation. Your Fupandectomy should be honored. You are a force to be reckoned with and a dignified vision. It's not every day I can say I haven't been fupafied by your occupant. I hope to see you tomorrow and the next day, please also invite friends.