Dear Cop That Just Showed Up At My Door,

I know you were simply notifying people on the floor about the complaint received. Thanks for not pointing fingers. Too bad it was me they were talking about. Whoopies?

Guilty,
A

Dear Mr.Officer,

I enjoyed our extended conversation last night and thank you for favoring me over the rest of the crowd enough to let my boyfriends bypass the entire line of people waiting outside. I was impressed by your vocabulary which seemed to be much more extensive than the average law enforcement officer. You said I "inundated" you with big words. Inundate is one of my favorite words on this earth. However, you used "ameliorate" completely out of context. Your credibility was lost.

(Sometimes) Law Abiding,
A

P.S. I think it was slightly inappropriate to ask if you could frisk me because I forgot my I.D. inside (after you'd checked it 2 other times).

Dear Asshole Sheriff,

I had been sitting in the same fucking plastic chair for 10 hours. Fuck you for almost making me cry when you threatened to make me sit in jail for another 12 hours when I asked you a question. However, then I remembered that you're an obese, uneducated, inbred stupid little fuck and it's not even worth my time. You spend your time power tripping over drunks and crackheads. Plus you look like you have down syndrome. I want to shit on yourface.

Cheers!
C