Dear Vag,
I feel you should look more attractive, no?
Lovin' you anyway,
Jodie
Showing posts with label vag. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vag. Show all posts
dear 300 lb. woman at my gym,
Thanks for wandering aimlessly through the locker room completely naked the other day. i like how you chose to carry your towel in your hand instead of using it to cover up the wool sweater you call your vag. i really appreciate the way you sat your bare ass on the bench i sit on to change my shoes. i also thought it was complete class when you sat spread eagle and picked fungus out of your toes. i admire your confidence, i just wish you wouldn't look me in the eye like that when you saunter around buck ass naked.
keep it classy,
jenn
Thanks for wandering aimlessly through the locker room completely naked the other day. i like how you chose to carry your towel in your hand instead of using it to cover up the wool sweater you call your vag. i really appreciate the way you sat your bare ass on the bench i sit on to change my shoes. i also thought it was complete class when you sat spread eagle and picked fungus out of your toes. i admire your confidence, i just wish you wouldn't look me in the eye like that when you saunter around buck ass naked.
keep it classy,
jenn
Dear female ejaculation,
I'm sorry you're so misunderstood. Ignorant men stifle your creativity and confuse you for the golden shower. Others who have never experienced you doubt your very existence. Don't let the nay-sayers get you down. Much like Prince's attempt to turn himself into a symbol, you're just ahead of your time. But that doesn't mean you're wrong. Just because the rest of the world frowned upon Hitler's attempt to eradicate an entire race of people doesn't mean it was a bad idea. You broaden my horizons. Because of you, I look at the vadge in an entirely different way: like it's a squirt gun and my fingers are the trigger. If you were the Bible, I'd be an evangelist spreading the truth of your gospel. I'm the Billy Graham of squirting, saving lost and lonely souls two fingers at a time.
Your biggest fan,
M
P.S. Just because I'm your biggest fan doesn't mean I enjoy sleeping in a puddle of soaking wet sheets. So if you're gonna come knocking at my door, at least have the fucking decency to bring a few towels. Love you, mean it.
I'm sorry you're so misunderstood. Ignorant men stifle your creativity and confuse you for the golden shower. Others who have never experienced you doubt your very existence. Don't let the nay-sayers get you down. Much like Prince's attempt to turn himself into a symbol, you're just ahead of your time. But that doesn't mean you're wrong. Just because the rest of the world frowned upon Hitler's attempt to eradicate an entire race of people doesn't mean it was a bad idea. You broaden my horizons. Because of you, I look at the vadge in an entirely different way: like it's a squirt gun and my fingers are the trigger. If you were the Bible, I'd be an evangelist spreading the truth of your gospel. I'm the Billy Graham of squirting, saving lost and lonely souls two fingers at a time.
Your biggest fan,
M
P.S. Just because I'm your biggest fan doesn't mean I enjoy sleeping in a puddle of soaking wet sheets. So if you're gonna come knocking at my door, at least have the fucking decency to bring a few towels. Love you, mean it.
Dear "BP Girlfriend"/longtime friend of mine/lesbian lover,
The fact that he spoons with you is cute. However, it is alarming that he has made no attempt to show you his manhood. Here is how I assess this situation:
PRO: He clearly has no balls, so you never have to worry about him talking to other girls, let alone fucking them. So, at least you know he is incapable of cheating.
CON: Your vagina may fall off.
Grab him next time you guys make out and if he still plays shy with his cock in your hand, then he is clearly a pussy and if you wanted that you would be more of a lesbian than you already are.
Godspeed,
A
The fact that he spoons with you is cute. However, it is alarming that he has made no attempt to show you his manhood. Here is how I assess this situation:
PRO: He clearly has no balls, so you never have to worry about him talking to other girls, let alone fucking them. So, at least you know he is incapable of cheating.
CON: Your vagina may fall off.
Grab him next time you guys make out and if he still plays shy with his cock in your hand, then he is clearly a pussy and if you wanted that you would be more of a lesbian than you already are.
Godspeed,
A
Dear Guy at the Gym in "Heart of Dallas" Tee,
I would appreciate it if you could make it a little less obvious that you are blatantly staring at my vajin(i with an accent) while I do crunches and bench press. I'm sure you are enjoying fantasizing about penetrating me while lifting those heavy weights with your big strong muscles, but don't let your elevated testosterone level fool you into thinking that might ever actually happen. I used to be a cheerleader, so I am very comfortable with people staring at my crotch, but come on, try to be at least a teensy bit more discreet next time. thanks.
A
I would appreciate it if you could make it a little less obvious that you are blatantly staring at my vajin(i with an accent) while I do crunches and bench press. I'm sure you are enjoying fantasizing about penetrating me while lifting those heavy weights with your big strong muscles, but don't let your elevated testosterone level fool you into thinking that might ever actually happen. I used to be a cheerleader, so I am very comfortable with people staring at my crotch, but come on, try to be at least a teensy bit more discreet next time. thanks.
A
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)