Dear Calculus Professor,
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the fact that you're a very eccentric and artistic person. In fact, I even kind of enjoy it when you go off on wild tangents during lectures even though the rest of the class is whispering things like "she's totally f-in batshit!" and "can I still transfer out?".
However, I most certainly do not appreciate the too-tight khaki pants and resultant camel toe that you have been sporting for the past two days. Seriously, it's the worst case I have ever seen. How do you walk up the four flights of stairs to our classroom without getting cut in half? Do you take the elevator? Did someone steal all your other pants? This is what I pondered during our 50 minutes together yesterday, instead of calculus. And today, when you walked in wearing the EXACT SAME THING, I was beside myself.
Did you seriously sleep in that?!?!
P.S. I'm also all set on the V.P.L. Thanks.