Dear Brit,
Please. God. No.
A
Showing posts with label celebs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label celebs. Show all posts
Dear Vanessa Hudgens aka Gabriella Montez from High School Musical,
Stop being so freaking hot and precious at the same time. I JUST saw your new video today with your boo, Zac Efron. Thinking about the fact you guys actually are an item and make out in real life (which is frequently caught by the paparazzi-THANK GOD) makes me want to squeeze ten puppies at once. "Zanessa" is seriously the best thing that's happened to me ever since Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody were together. Please never break up or I will just die.
And I'm obsessed with this video. It's borderline as good as Duff's "Stranger". Gosh, I'm such an undercover tween lover.
Love,
A
P.S. I just read in a magazine that in real life you wear the "T" necklace his character gives yours in the second movie. Can we switch lives?
P.P.S. Please inspire Justin and Britney to get back togeth.
Dear Disney's High School Musical,
I swore up and down I would never ever ever watch you, but lo and behold, this morning while enjoying my Special K Red Berries, you enraptured me. Fast forward to 2 hours later when I'm still completely enthralled by your frequent dance routines and cheesy lyrics. I feel like I am being converted to a new religion, the Zac Efron religion. I'm hooked to the sexual appeal of his androgyny. Now I understand why everyone wanted to have MJ's babies in the 80s.
Also, you make me wish that every hour, the characters in my life would break out in song and dance with the biggest shit-eating grins ever and doing jazz hands. Not to mention, I really miss the sweet innocence of young love. Why can't everyone be as kind and cute as you Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez?? Niceness is so underrated and you both have inspired me, you fictional characters, you. Please go hold hands, eskimo kiss, and sing more songs. I'll lay on my couch like a slob and pretend my life is yours.
Love,
A
I swore up and down I would never ever ever watch you, but lo and behold, this morning while enjoying my Special K Red Berries, you enraptured me. Fast forward to 2 hours later when I'm still completely enthralled by your frequent dance routines and cheesy lyrics. I feel like I am being converted to a new religion, the Zac Efron religion. I'm hooked to the sexual appeal of his androgyny. Now I understand why everyone wanted to have MJ's babies in the 80s.
Also, you make me wish that every hour, the characters in my life would break out in song and dance with the biggest shit-eating grins ever and doing jazz hands. Not to mention, I really miss the sweet innocence of young love. Why can't everyone be as kind and cute as you Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez?? Niceness is so underrated and you both have inspired me, you fictional characters, you. Please go hold hands, eskimo kiss, and sing more songs. I'll lay on my couch like a slob and pretend my life is yours.
Love,
A
Dear Seth Rogan,
After watching the two masterpieces that are Knocked Up and SuperBad, I seem to have developed a bewildering crush on you. I don't know if it's the goofy facial hair, the jew-fro or the sweet but slightly awkward sense of humor, but I want your (slightly chubby) bod. And you wrote SuperBad yourself? In high school? Damn that's hot. Please stop being so amazingly funny, you are messing with my head.
I'm a sucker for smart guys,
Shameless
Dear Zac Efron,
Your god-awful Rolling Stone cover just made me throw up in my mouth. As the spokeswoman for Team Vagina, I voluntary relinquish our technical possession of you. Consequentially, we will be removing Miss High School Musical’s placement as your beard within the quarter.
You and Seacrest would make a cute couple,
C
Dear James Earl Jones,
I think I saw you in the back of a Town Car this morning on my way to work. I don't know why you were (or would want to be) in Baltimore, but you're awesome, so I trust your judgment. I almost got out of my car and asked you to tell me that you were "my fahhhhther". However, the light changed and we parted ways. I miss your lush baritone voice (that I never got to hear) already.
Simba you must take your place in the Circle of Life,
Clare
I think I saw you in the back of a Town Car this morning on my way to work. I don't know why you were (or would want to be) in Baltimore, but you're awesome, so I trust your judgment. I almost got out of my car and asked you to tell me that you were "my fahhhhther". However, the light changed and we parted ways. I miss your lush baritone voice (that I never got to hear) already.
Simba you must take your place in the Circle of Life,
Clare
Dear Hilary Duff,
Man, you've really had some poor luck with your lovelife. First that tween, Aaron Carter, dumps you for Skankels Lohan (love her). Then, the love of your life, Joel Madden, breaks it off with you only to impregnate Nicole Richie. If you didn't have tons of money, a hit prepubescent TV show, several albums, and great veneers, I would say you had it pretty rough.
I Feel For Ya,
A
Man, you've really had some poor luck with your lovelife. First that tween, Aaron Carter, dumps you for Skankels Lohan (love her). Then, the love of your life, Joel Madden, breaks it off with you only to impregnate Nicole Richie. If you didn't have tons of money, a hit prepubescent TV show, several albums, and great veneers, I would say you had it pretty rough.
I Feel For Ya,
A
Dear Posh Spice,
I don't care that you look like an anorexic robot, I want to be like you major. Your husband is bang-bang. It doesn't even matter that he sounds like a version of Oliver Twist that just got kicked in the balls, he looks fly in a speedo and that's all that matters.
Keeping Being a Hot Bitch,
A
I don't care that you look like an anorexic robot, I want to be like you major. Your husband is bang-bang. It doesn't even matter that he sounds like a version of Oliver Twist that just got kicked in the balls, he looks fly in a speedo and that's all that matters.
Keeping Being a Hot Bitch,
A
Dear Hilary Duff,
I want to be (on) you. You are bangin hot in your new video, "Stranger". You are a tween transformed in a belly dancing sexpot. I have to admit, I still picture you walking off the set and putting on your slap bracelets and sitting on the ground with your Lisa Frank sticker collection.
You're Not The Person That I Once Knew,
A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mnv7UGEO40Y
I want to be (on) you. You are bangin hot in your new video, "Stranger". You are a tween transformed in a belly dancing sexpot. I have to admit, I still picture you walking off the set and putting on your slap bracelets and sitting on the ground with your Lisa Frank sticker collection.
You're Not The Person That I Once Knew,
A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mnv7UGEO40Y
Dear T-pain and Yung Joc,
Your new song is so hot that it makes me want to be in your video as the token hussy sitting next to one of you on a couch in V.I.P. whispering in your ear in slow-mo with my perfectly applied lip gloss highlighting every syllable. Either that or the girl sliding down the pole while you make it rain with dolla bills on me.
I'ma Buy YOU a Drank,
A
Your new song is so hot that it makes me want to be in your video as the token hussy sitting next to one of you on a couch in V.I.P. whispering in your ear in slow-mo with my perfectly applied lip gloss highlighting every syllable. Either that or the girl sliding down the pole while you make it rain with dolla bills on me.
I'ma Buy YOU a Drank,
A
Dear Adam Levine from Maroon 5,
Please make sure you're totally STD-free from J.Simp's diseases before we have sex. It would also be nice if you could gain about 20 lbs., because as it stands now, you look like you weigh about as much as my right arm.
Call me when you're clean,
Laura
PS - You're still hot as fuck.
Please make sure you're totally STD-free from J.Simp's diseases before we have sex. It would also be nice if you could gain about 20 lbs., because as it stands now, you look like you weigh about as much as my right arm.
Call me when you're clean,
Laura
PS - You're still hot as fuck.
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