Dear middle court, backside tennis player at CGA,

You, my friend, are luscious. Thank you for deciding to not wear a shirt. Your anatomy is quite nice. I couldn't help but notice your perfectly proportioned pecs, chiseled abs, delicious deltoids, bulging biceps, and fantastic forearms. I also appreciated that your shorts weren't too short, too long, or too baggy...they were just right. I could see just enough of your quads to know that me likey, and they provided just enough outline of your ass to know that I want to grab it. I don't even know what to say about your face and your hair, except holy-undo-my-pants-please. To pull my pants down even further, all of this yumminess was coated with a really nice tan. You're tall, dark, and handsome. While I realize that it is against the rules to fraternize, I am totally free to mind-fuck the hell out of you... and for that, you are def the best mind-fuck of the week. Congrats.

Wet over you,
Crystal

P.S. Not to mention, you kicked the other guy's ass. There's nothing like imagining a good athelete man-handling you... ahh.

P.S.S. I think this is a good start to our relationship.

Dear Foolish Girl,

Maybe next time you exit your car you should take the keys out of the ignition before powerlocking and rashly slamming the door behind you.

Get a Grip,
Yourself

P.S. If you're gonna pull that shit, don't do it on graduation day when approx 874 passersby can gawk.

Dear Shirts,

I like to wear you as dresses.

teehee,
A

Dear Mom,

At this point I am very aware that I am due for an emissions check and that my car has a recall on it. There is no need to remind me of this by calling me every morning at 8 a.m. for a week straight. Woman, you are relentless. God love ya.

Love,
A

Dear Life,

Can you please stop men from lying about being engaged/married/dating? It will make me appear a lot less slutty.

Thanks,
B.

Dear Life Post-Undergrad,

I've decided you are much harder without a cheerleading skirt on.

Love,
A

Dear "REAL WORLD",

You are nothing like the show on MTV! Why did you have to fuck with me for all of those years?!?!? Ok, you win...........can I go back to college now?

Love,
Debbie

Dear Life,

If you were fair, every person who ever got dumped would be the first to be dating someone new. Unfortunately, you're a bitch and its always the opposite. More salt to the wound bc you are a ruthless whore.

Adrienne

Dear Cute Black Summer Dress which is Far Too Short,

Thank God I finally found you today. I've been looking for you for a month! You sneaky bitch.

Get on me,
A

Dear Kieran's Nose,

Sorry for breaking you in a celebratory rampage. hope we can still be friends.

-Villy

Dear Mandals,

I was not aware until very late in the game that our friends were trying to set us up. I found your solo dance routine for me very humorous. I found it all the more hilarious that your justin timberlake wannabe moves put you on crutches. Maybe if you were wearing more supportive footwear you could have spared yourself an injury. Don't they teach that in med school?

Easy Killer,
A

Dear Hot Dad,

Thanks for making me lose faith in the male gender. You not only hit on me a few weeks ago, but did it again today, only this time, your wife was in the proximal vicinity. Wow. I'm glad you don't have qualms about giving me the eyes when it is obvious you are married with two beautiful children, one very sick in the hospital. I pray to everything that is holy my husband won't be tempted to undress candystripers with his eyes while our child is on a ventilator. If that were the case, I might just have to kill someone.

Sketched Out,
A

Dear Daisy,

Nice move waiting 2 minutes before we get to the house to puke in the brand new car after an hour long drive.

Love,
Adrienne, Ashley, & Justin

Dear Butterlove,

Backhair is no excuse. Play like a champion.

I still love you,
Adrienne

Dear Paris,

Don't drop the soap.

Love ya, bitch,
Adrienne

Dear To-Do List,

Why did I rape you so bad today? Post-coital smoking never felt so good.

Love,
Chris

Dear blogging after coming home from the bars,

You make me feel lame. I should not be blogging at home alone....I should be contributing to a blog from some hussy's home.

Alone and confused,
J

Dear A,

Cut the blogging apprentice some slack. Not everyone who goes and blogs drunk at 2 in the morning wakes up two hours late with makeup on their face. Some of us just can't think straight and mess up whyamisopretty.blogspot.com.

Jon

Dear Jon,

If you want people to be your friend, you could at least get the web address correct. It's whyamisopretty.blogspot.com, which is rather irrelevant, but a valid question I ask myself periodically.

Adrienne

Dear Dearlife.blogspot.com readers,

Not everyone I hang out with is a total creep. At least I hope not.

Will you be my friend?
Jon