Dear couple sitting next to us at dinner last night,

Who sits on the same side of the booth? Let alone the side that's right next to another table that seats people. It was a relatively empty restaurant. You could have sat on the OTHER side of the booth so that your elbow wasn't in my ear the whole time as you FED EACH OTHER (gross) and I'm surprised you didn't suffocate with all the smothering going on. It's cool that you're all in love and shit but you were making out IN MY FACE. IN. MY. FACE. A couple of things...

a) Girl, if a guy was all over me like that and trying to feed me my OWN FOOD, I would fucking punch him. In the face.

b) YOU WERE MAKING OUT IN MY FACE.

c) I really need to get better at being witty on the spot so I could have thrown a Dr. Cox rant at them as we were leaving. No. Fuck that. Not as we were leaving. Way before we left so they could feel all awkward that I was still there, glaring at them. For MAKING OUT IN MY FACE.

FACE.

-ML