Dear Today:

You KNEW I was wearing a very thin, white outfit to the Halloween party tonight, didn't you? So you sent torrential rains. I get it. I see what you're doing. Sadly for you, I own a rain coat and have cab money on hand. There's just no way in hell you are going to ruin my Kill Bill one-eyed nurse get-up before the pub crawl of debauchery on All Hallows Eve, so go suck a d.

Willing to lose my Eeyore umbrella and Hunter wellies if it means I might get felt-up against a wall tonight,

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