Dear Former F-Buddy,

You and I have been on again/off again for the better part of a year and I accepted a long time ago that we'd never be a real couple.  I tried to just be your hookup buddy, but my damn hormones keep overriding my brain and I always end up thinking about you, so I finally stopped seeing you.  And now here you are, calling again, trying to get back on me.  Now look, don't get me wrong; I am very flattered at your renewed interest in my vagina.  And I swear, all i want to do is come over to your place and let you cook me some dinner and then pleasure me all night.  Don't you think I want that??  But you have to understand that my vagina and I are partners--we have to make these kinds of decisions together.  She has already given you far too many chances without even consulting me--well this time, I am not letting her take over!  I'm sorry, but we cannot see you.  You are too hot, your dick is too perfect, your lifestyle as a musician is too exciting and you are way too good at sex to ever settle down in a relationship or be exclusive with me.... but if I let my vagina even into the same room as you, neither of us stand a chance.  So I just have to walk away... I'm sorry.

You will always hold a special place in my vagina and in my masturbatory fantasies,

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