You and I have been on again/off again for the better part of a year and I accepted a long time ago that we'd never be a real couple. I tried to just be your hookup buddy, but my damn hormones keep overriding my brain and I always end up thinking about you, so I finally stopped seeing you. And now here you are, calling again, trying to get back on me. Now look, don't get me wrong; I am very flattered at your renewed interest in my vagina. And I swear, all i want to do is come over to your place and let you cook me some dinner and then pleasure me all night. Don't you think I want that?? But you have to understand that my vagina and I are partners--we have to make these kinds of decisions together. She has already given you far too many chances without even consulting me--well this time, I am not letting her take over! I'm sorry, but we cannot see you. You are too hot, your dick is too perfect, your lifestyle as a musician is too exciting and you are way too good at sex to ever settle down in a relationship or be exclusive with me.... but if I let my vagina even into the same room as you, neither of us stand a chance. So I just have to walk away... I'm sorry.
You will always hold a special place in my vagina and in my masturbatory fantasies,