dear life post :)

dear this weekend,

best. shitshow. ever.

spent friday barhopping, aka chasing delicious men from the film school all over town and ending at the nicest condo apt i've ever seen in my life. slept on creepiest twin size mattress EVER with the least cute of the film schoolers because i probably could have grown another head before i could have operated a vehicle. that was a fail.

spent all day saturday walking and bike riding in the gorgeous fall weather, then went out for a friend's 21st birthday. defended birthday girl's wasted roommate from a very wet girl that she had thrown 2 drinks on for no reason. TWO. i mean, you can possibly get a pass for the first drink if you literally can't stand up. but second drink? notttt really an excuse for that. as wet girl and her friends are tracking wasted roommate into the bathroom to fight her as she lays on the floor vomiting, i was sober enough to recognize the irony when the bathroom attendant turned to me and said "can i talk to you outside? you seem like you're coherent enough to help me with this situation." first and last time for THAT sentence in my life.

anyway, puke girl goes home (with the help of the bouncers, enlisted BY ME-- WHO IS THIS RESPONSIBLE ADULT AND WHY IS SHE USING MY BODY), the bar starts offering dollar shots to celebrate our football team completely murdering ass on a horrible rival team. get text message for booty call from old/quickly becoming current f-buddy (we'll call him a). responded VERY enthusiastically. drive to his apartment and toddle in my stripper heels across the complex-- not the best idea, in retrospect-- and have the following conversation with a very thugged out individual in a caddy:

Thugged Out Individual: "ay, girl!"
c: "hiii"
TOI: "whatchu doin? you look gooood. come with us."
c: "uh, no. sorry. i'm going to my boyfriend's house."
TOI: "nah, forget about him. i'll eat that p***y!"
c: "no... thanks?"

TOI shakes his head and drives off muttering about how i should forget about my boyfriend. i am laughing so hard i can't stand up straight. upon arrival, inform A that he had better do a good job, because i passed up a golden opportunity for cunnilingus from a gang member in the parking lot. (he did, by the way. do a good job that is.) 

i'm off to stalk all of my old dear life posts and maybe do homework... just kidding about that last part. may all of your weeks be filled with random guys offering to go down on you! SO glad dear life is back.


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