Dear Little Gnome Secretly Following Me Around,
First you hid my heart rate monitor so that I can no longer tell how many calories I am burning at the gym. Since you've been following me, you obviously know that I don't like exercise and that little monitor helps me know the bare minimum of grunt work I have to do in a day! I am not happy putting that extra time in on the elliptical as a just-in-case!
Then you took my awesome NARS cheek tint in "orgasm" (and yes it does give you that oh so fresh "oh" look). Gnomes have naturally rosy cheeks. Step off my product obsession little man.
Then, you took my ipod. I went off to the Yankee game without a care in the world and came home to find it missing, despite the fact that it was intentionally left at home. Not cool. I can't blame you for loving my taste in music, it rocks. But that's just wrong. I do not want to spend my upcoming vacation money on replacing my "can't live without" Ipod. While I am at work today, please just go back to the apartment and shove it in the couch cushions or something. I'll act like I didn't already look there and we'll be ok.
And now, within hours of my office getting re-keyed, you snatched my new set right off my wrist. I don't really like being made a fool of at work. They eye rolls and dirty looks I got this morning when I sheepishly told them that I am being stalked by a gnome didn't go over very well.
Stop causing me to feel like I am losing my mind, little gnome bastard. I'm TRYING to get my shit together.
Not afraid to spike you like a football when I catch you,