Dear Sparkly Minidress,

You are 90% covered in silver sequins. You hug my ass and show off my legs. I bought you in Ecuador, meaning no one else on this continent owns you. I may say tomorrow's (fabulous) party is for my BFF's birthday, but you'll be the real star. I'm even shaving my legs AND my pits for you.

Thanks for making me look like a slutty disco ball,

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