Dear Mr. Fish,
A few thoughts:
1. Breaking up with someone, ten minutes before they write a test, isn’t so cool.
2. Breaking up with someone who risked her friendships with both your brother and one of her future bridesmaids because she so genuinely liked you and so very much wanted to be functional and together this one time, also isn’t cool
3. Breaking up with someone (after making them hold hands in public and talk about their feelings) effectively because you can’t even say the word ‘girlfriend’ but still ‘really like’ her, again would not rank high on my list of ‘What To Do To Avoid A Front-Kick In The Man-Parts’
I wore my heart on my sleeve and you pissed on it. Then, you set the jacket on fire and said ‘but you’re still really great’: Thanks.