Dear Vlad Putin:
Dude, WTF?! Step off Georgia.
‘Kay, so I may be old, because I remember the cold war, but that wall in Berlin ALREADY came down. Remember Gorbachev? He opened you alchys up to the world and yourselves? It caused a lot of turmoil and soul-searching and shit, sure…but look at all the growth and improvement Russia has had…you fuckers are positively EXPLODING economically right now… (unlike us.)
So now…you wanna go right back to being an isolationist, annexing bunch of fucktards?! Just so you can ensure obedience in your empire? While you pretend to allow elections…but still run the whole show…and have brought back assassination (with plutonium in fucking TEA, no less…), AND crushed the free press, AND imprisoned or shot your political rivals.
Dick moves all, asshole. Dick-fucking-moves. Seriously, stop being such a fucking douche.
p.s. The only thing I ever liked about the USSR was that you made awesome James Bond vil lains. Stop living up to your stereotype, Stalin.