Dear armpits,

You guys are totally cramping my style. I get dressed to go out, put on AMPLE deodorant, and you guys still sweat rivers under my arms. What the dealio?? I can't be sexy when I'm sweating like a linebacker. That's not cute!

I've tried the strong deodorants. You know, the ones that say "strong enough for a man, but PH balanced for a woman". Yeah, bullcrap! Those things don't work. Got me smellin like a musty rose petal. It's not cool when you come in after lunch and people ask you if you went to the gym on your lunch break. I'm a grown woman, for God's sake. I can't be sweatin like a junior high boy trying to hide his boner. Give me a break!

Apparently though, I am not the only one with this problem. My friend tells me that she uses men's deodorant...I don't know about that one. It's one thing to take a nice whiff of men's body cologne on the biceps of my boy toy, but it is totally another to have my favorite silk shirt smell like I rubbed a GQ magazine all over it.

I can't understand why we can't just work together on this. I mean, how many times in the winter did i have the urge to shave your hairy surface, but resisted in order to give you a break and let you be free under my wool sweaters? Not everyone does that. You could look like a naked mole rat all year round and then I wouldn't have to deal with your funky 'tude.

So just calm down and don't sweat it, ok?

TR