Dear Joey,

You didn't actually date Parvati from Survivor. The fact that you created a Facebook profile for her using stock photos you got off the internet somewhere does not prove anything. I must say though, I'm somewhat impressed with your ability to not sound like a lonely douchebag when you wrote on my facebook wall. What's more exciting yet is your pending blackballing from the fraternity. Some people don't like blackballs, but I'm kind of an arrogant prick, and I relish every chance I get to put myself above other people. Good luck in life, and thanks for the baseball tickets.

Annoyed,
Jon