Dear "Ladies" at Bar Charlotte,

While I appreciate the attention, if you could try to fall into the dateable range of girls, that would be much appreciated. As cool as college nights on Thursday are, if the 18 year old girl who groped me inappropriately while I was at the bar could not do that again, I would feel much less of a need to go to confession. My number is 203-470-9712, call me in 3 years, Ill buy you a drink. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you are married, wear your ring out, cause when you don't and people find out, they just get bitter. I'm sure you enjoyed riding on the mechanical bull as from the conversation we had, your redneck husband hasnt given you an orgasm since you got married. I am just happy they were $1 Red Bull Vodkas that I bought for you and your orca-like friend.

Seeking normal girls,

Scott