Dear Lame-Ass Yuppie Family at Centennial Park,

Listen, I'm sorry my dog got off the leash and ran at you. Please rest assured that she is very kind-natured, while slightly dense and thinks everyone is her friend. There was no need to freak out and act like she was a grizzly bear trying to eat your nasty poor excuse for a lapdog. Truth be told, I laughed intensely when you all screamed, especially at you, dad. Your high pitched squeal was pretty fuckin hysterical. If you only knew. My sweet puppy gets scared of the bunny rabbits in the backyard. She was only trying to give you kisses. Maybe you shouldn't have given me that mean look. I may not be that nice, but my dog is.

It's not my fault my dog plays frisbee with me while yours stares at you like a dustball until you pick it up to walk 10 feet to the car.

My Dog Rules and Yours Drools,
A