Dear Umbros,

I miss the days in middle school when I used to wear you; a different color for every day of the week. I have never played in a single soccer game in my life; however, you always made me feel that I could sprint down the field and score a goal with ease as long as I had you swishing between my thighs. Paired with Adidas Sambas (tongues folded down) and a Peace Frogs tshirt, I am pretty sure I never looked cooler or felt more confidant. It's too bad that middle schoolers worldwide have long since traded you in for slutbag clothes because they are truly missing out on the carefree attitude you provide.

It's time for a comeback,
Gretch