Dear Text Messaging Function on my Shitty Cell Phone,

You have singlehandedly been responsible for many nights of drunken hookups. Somehow, my trysts seem more illicit and juicy with you there to facilitate them.

God love ya,
L Wiz

P.S. - It never ceases to amaze me how I can take a photograph of my melon-like cleavage and send it to someone via your powers. Sex in the 21st century is a force to be reckoned with.