dear balding woman,

dude. that. sucks.

when i saw you i didn't laugh, i cringed.

ever since i saw your shiny scalp glistening through what was left of your thinning hair i've been doing a lot of thinking…

this is seriously tragic. i mean no, it isn't life threatening. it isn't AIDS or cancer. i'm sure someone has even tried to console you and tell you it could be worse. but sweetheart, don't listen. your condition is social-life threatening and definitely the dead end of your sex-life. hope you've got a large, ribbed, vibrating dildo in your underwear drawer.

i've thought about your options. rogaine (smelly and time consuming)? hair transplants (painful and obviously fake)? wigs (only for trannies)? but i'm sure you've considered, if not tried, all of the above.

women aren't supposed to go bald, that's reserved for men. men can get by with it. yeah, there might be smirks but I'm sure they can still talk someone into giving them a bj every now and again.

so here is what i propose: bald women awareness month. somewhat similar to breast cancer awareness month. and why not? bald women have it just as hard as women with breast cancer, if not worse. i can just imagine it now... (fade into dream like setting, saved by the bell style)…little ribbons to wear on your jacket, marathons where people wept openly while bald, sweaty women with 3 haired ponytails crossed the finish line, grinning and wiping sweat from their fleshy heads…(fade back to reality)…

do they at least give you a discount when you get your hair cut?

empathizing,
M in SF