dear uterus/additional female parts,

please do not have a fetus in you. that'd realllly not work out right now (...or ever?). negative prego test but still not raggin' is seriously bumming me out.

additionally, if you could please stop giving me terribly painful UTIs every.single.goddamn.time after a wild night of sex with my boyfriend, that'd be super. really.

sorry about the TMIs,
-j