Dear creepy random at work the other night,

Look. I'm a kind-hearted person. I don't mind chatting with customers across the counter while I make their coffee, I really don't. But I absolutely do not want to hear anyone's life story, especially if they're smelly, dirty, and only have a vocabulary of about fifty words. When people come in, sit down by the window and randomly announce, "Today has got to be the worst day of my life," there's usually a reason I don't respond -- it's because I'm a BARISTA, not a PSYCHOLOGIST. So you don't need to repeat yourself because I definitely heard you the first time. I just don't care. I'm really sorry that you got into a fight, although I'm not really sure how it got started .. it's generally a good idea to articulate your sob story well if you want any kind of reaction out of people .. but I'm pretty sure it's some dumbass thing YOU did that provoked the fight. And I'm sorry you "got your face kicked in about twelve times" but, uh, your face looked alright to me.

And saying, "I've never seen you here before, are you new?" only pisses me off since I've been working this job for over eight months now. I'm actually really grateful I haven't ever seen you before now. But next time, please do not further tell me the details of this fight you provoked while I'm on my phone checking my voicemail. I can't hear you, first of all, and more importantly, I don't care and you're getting on my nerves.

I think next time I'll just wear a sign that says, "I serve coffee, not psychological advice."

Wondering what's up with coffee drinkers these days,


Anonymous said...

dirty, smelly people are THE worst!

if only they weren't allowed to talk to any of us clean, perfect people.

ahh, that would be grand!

Anonymous said...

this anonymous comment poster is starting to annoy me with his/her mix of mean sarcasm directed at Dear Lifers. have something to say? come right out and say it. don't like our dear life's? then navigate to a different page and STOP READING.

there are a gazillion blogs out there, stop being an ass and pick a different one.

Anonymous said...

hmm maybe that wasn't meant to be mean. i may change my mind on this one ha.

time for me to go get one of those iced coffees and get my head out of my ass.

in desperate need of sleep and caffeine,

Anonymous said...

would YOU like to serve someone dirty and smelly? someone wasting your time while you have work-chores to get done?

if you know you're going out somewhere, it's really not that hard to take a shower first.

and yeah. your sarcasm's actually pretty amusing, and i'm sure not just to me.

- is

Anonymous said...

actually, i love dear life.

and i'm fairly certain 'Anonymous' isn't just one person...

but, i s'pose i just found the 'dirty, smelly' thing a little offensive and while i'm not that, i can appreciate how hard IS's job is.

sometimes a little snark just lightens the mood! :)


Anonymous said...

If I owned a coffee shop, I'd want all my barristae to entice maximum coffee-purchase. Discriminating against dollars because the holder of those dollars is smelly, crazy and ugly is against my principles.

Actually, my guess is that crazy smelly people are easier to part from their money than other sorts. Otherwise, they'd have enough money for soap, right?