Dear creepy random at work the other night,
Look. I'm a kind-hearted person. I don't mind chatting with customers across the counter while I make their coffee, I really don't. But I absolutely do not want to hear anyone's life story, especially if they're smelly, dirty, and only have a vocabulary of about fifty words. When people come in, sit down by the window and randomly announce, "Today has got to be the worst day of my life," there's usually a reason I don't respond -- it's because I'm a BARISTA, not a PSYCHOLOGIST. So you don't need to repeat yourself because I definitely heard you the first time. I just don't care. I'm really sorry that you got into a fight, although I'm not really sure how it got started .. it's generally a good idea to articulate your sob story well if you want any kind of reaction out of people .. but I'm pretty sure it's some dumbass thing YOU did that provoked the fight. And I'm sorry you "got your face kicked in about twelve times" but, uh, your face looked alright to me.
And saying, "I've never seen you here before, are you new?" only pisses me off since I've been working this job for over eight months now. I'm actually really grateful I haven't ever seen you before now. But next time, please do not further tell me the details of this fight you provoked while I'm on my phone checking my voicemail. I can't hear you, first of all, and more importantly, I don't care and you're getting on my nerves.
I think next time I'll just wear a sign that says, "I serve coffee, not psychological advice."
Wondering what's up with coffee drinkers these days,