Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

I know you and your dumb violin-playing-at-all-hours ass probably wouldn't think that I would be home at midnight on a Friday, but I am. And I'm tired. And I have residual mono fatigue...STILL. And mono body aches. And I miss my boyfriend who is undoubtedly drunk in Philadelphia. And I do NOT want to hear you play "Touch My Body", "Can't Live If Livin Is Without You", or "I Don't Want To Cry" A-NY-MORE. Please shut the fuck up. I do not wish to listen even a single second longer to ANY Mariah classic this evening. I just want to go to sleep.

You are such a bitch and you don't even know it.

At least you have learned to play something other than Roxy Music's "More Than This"...but I've already heard that stupid classical piece you always play twice tonight.

Why do you feel the need to listen to the SAME SONGS over and over again? Do you have some sort of syndrome?

You are so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I've decided I'm going to rip out one of my ovaries, walk out into the hallway, go up the stairs, knock, and throw it in your face when you open the door. Either that, or shit on your mother.
A