Dear Peruvian Security Guard at my new workplace,

The 40 pirated DVDs in a black plastic bag and the invitation to go salsa dancing and meet your family were thoughtful and flattering. But 40 year old, short, Peruvian men with greasy hair just aren't my type.

So if you could tone down your game but continue to carry heavy objects for me and bring me breakfast and lunch everyday (*), it would be much appreciated.

Yours truly,
M in SF

*I'd like Mexican on Tuesday for lunch, por favor :)