Dear Undergraduate University,
After having, what I was told, "good interviews!!!" by my contact in the department, eight days after the final round I get no response. Well thank the Christ for Facebook! A friend's status congratulates their friend on being "the newest (insert position here)!!!!" and hammering the point home with a "WOOT!" So I should probably assume you've decided to go in another direction... I'll be sure to call Monday to make sure, and thank you for the phone call letting me know your decision.