Dear Gay Bf In Town Staying At My Apartment,
While you were gone, I rummaged through your toiletry bag...
You're 24, aren't we getting a little old for the Bugs Bunny "Bubble Fruit" flavored Colgate?
P.S. Why did you bring lube, you horny bastard? You'd better not (a) bring a random home and hook it on my air mattress or (b) rub one out in my shower and accidentally impregnate me when your jizzbomb gets on my soap bar.