Dear Brit,

Hell has frozen over and I believe we're finally upon the cusp of your comeback. Just heard your new single, "Gimme More" (thanks, Perez!). While it's not the best song I've ever heard, you start it out by saying "It's Britney, Bitch", therefore, forcing me to like it immediately. It's also extremely erotic sounding (I expected nothing less) and you talk about being in crazy sex positions. If you could just stop acting so whacko, run that flub off your ass, and sell your children to someone more responsible, I will gladly rekindle my girlcrush on you and lez out to the max.

Love,
A

P.S. Please make a bangin video to go with this in which you are pretty much naked and panting (so, the usual).