Dear Table I Am Trying to Edit in Microsoft Word,

I'm in a cranky enough mood this morning as it is, what with coming in here and finding you on my chair to be inserted into the document I wrote yesterday. But so help me, if you don't start allowing me to make your rows smaller so I can fit all of you onto the same page, I'm going to have a meltdown. And the ensuing scene will result in me losing/quitting my job, and I'll have to move to Washington to help Dan in DC clean Hillary's pool. I have spent the last ten minutes futilely trying everything I can think of to edit you, and you won't budge! It's like you're an Apple product and think your users are too stupid to be trusted, so you won't listen to what I'm saying.

[Redacted] you, Bill Gates,

R