Dear Connecticut,

I hereby denounce any connection I might have had with you via Interstate 95 North. Your state has bred the biggest asshole I have ever met in my life, and I believe it is purely your fault that the past six months have been an emotional mess. Your educational and parental systems are clearly not up to par with the rest of America, and I encourage you to seek help and guidance on this matter, because in all seriousness, human beings need to learn to treat each other as such. Hearts do not grow on trees, and your state has done a marvelous job of sending out a boy to crush mine.

Virginia does not love Connecticut, and do not try to convince me it's "not a big deal." We are through, and I will refuse to acknowledge you as a part of my continent until I feel you have learned your lesson.

I Pledge Allegiance To the United 49 States of American,

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