Dear Owen Wilson:

It makes me really sad to think that a wedding crasher could come to this. http://thesuperficial.com/fastsearch?tag=owen%20wilson (So I don't know how to make the word "this" be a link. Get off me.) While I find your brother more physically attractive, you are CLEARLY the funny and interesting one, which is INFINITELY hotter. But seriously, heroin? And over Kate Hudson? REALLY?!?! The girl is like 11 and was married to what I'm pretty sure was Bigfoot with a guitar. I can't bear to think you might actually not be cool times infinity and instead might be a total douchebag. I mean, I'd totally pick Vince over you, but I'd still pick you over your brother. That counts for something, right?

Keep your chin up,

Your biggest fan (okay, just a fan)