Dear Job That I Want To Get Hired For Really Badly,

I know we just met today but I really felt a connection. Didn't you feel it too? Didn't you feel how right we were for each other, my qualifications matching your requirements so perfectly? I've been looking for a job like you my whole life, please don't tease me baby. Look, I know I just got out of a relationship with my last job, but it didn't mean anything to me, I swear! Yes, I was fired, but I don't have any more feelings for my former company. I'm totally over it and I want to start a new relationship with you. I'm ready. Don't you want to take a chance on something that could be so special? Just think about it, cutie.

Looking forward to a second interview,
Y

P.S. I also just got dumped recently, and I noticed some hotness floating around in your offices today while I was being shown around. let's throw some of that my way, what do you say?