Preface: Yesterday I was bored at work and talking to a friend about how I need to meet an emotionally intelligent man...so with her persuasion I did the unthinkable and posted on craigslist (yes, i'm embarassed of myself, but it was done mostly in jest. get off me. desperate times...). I knew these would make good material.
Oh, and don't go looking for it. It's already been deleted.
Dear "Normal" Guys On Craigslist,
Here are some things you should not say when trying to woo a woman:
From an e-mail entitled "I have a blackhead on my nose I can't shake!!!" : Howdy, For starters I am tall, dark, and moderately handsome (I am capable of much more depending on my makeup) ...You can stop there.
This is great... "i know you are normal like me but sometime i want to be crazy but in the good way so iam very sportman ,very funny and smart you need to know me so anyway this is my address email me and let me know what do you want to know about me bye bye ah iam hispanish this is a proble memfor youCharla con tus amigos en línea mediante"
This is my fave - "I moved to Nashville a few months ago for a great job opportunity managing an annual budget over $800M for one of the companies HQed here (I'll share later if you give me the chance)"..blah blah blah (i'm important) blah blah blah ... "Lately, much of my free time has been spent remodeling my home and studying for the GMAT and LSAT (I'll explain why both later)."..I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany...."I go running 2-3times a week usually - and the gym as frequently." ...GOD, YOU'RE AMAZING!!!
"Yes, I'm here in this world waiting to cross-over to the next world where I'm told 100 virgins will be waiting for me." - W.T.Fuck?
"im not the guy you would meet in a bar (because i dont go to bars not my thing)" ...um, bye.
"I work in the IT field as a software developer and I also own a webcast content business". ...I am not letting you videotape me in the shower so you can broadcast it via the Internet
"I never really liked the club scene,and I hate abnoxious drunk women!" ...Really? Well, I'm the most obnoxious(starts with an "o") drunk girl you'll ever meet and everyone but you loves it. douche.
"I am laid back, I enjoy a few drinks with friends, my favorite drink would be either wine or scotch. I like gardening and cooking." ...you forgot to say you like getting it up the ass.
"HI, great post.... I am a little older at 38 but always date younger." ...sick.
The Search Continues,