Dear cop who pulled me over at 4:30 am,

Yeah I know was doing 86 in a 65, and I know you were expecting me to be totally trashed(which I sometimes am) but I'm a responsible working person nowadays. I was hoping you would understand that I was driving fast becauseI was going to be late for the film shoot I'm working on, but alas, I don't have tits. Oh well, thanks for the $300 ticket. BTW, You would've never caught me if you hadn't have been on that pussy ass motorcycle. And shave your stash, you look like a pedo.

Yaying for traffic school,
Tyler