Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

Honestly, I've been trying so very hard to see the good in you, but wow, you are really a sad piece of work. It's been over a year since we broke up so I didn't think a friendly invitation to lunch would warrant such an outpouring of cattiness and angst. Then again, you always were a huge drama queen. Thanks for reminding me why losing your sorry ass was the best decision I've ever made. I may be a borderline alcoholic now, but at least I am free from your moody controlling ways, and I can three-way girl kiss anytime I want.

Feeling bad for your new gf,

Shameless