Dear Hippo Robot Outside The Rainforest Cafe,

I don't know why you haunt me so much, but every time I hear your roboto voice cackle while trying to shoe-shop at the mall, I cringe. It may have something to do with the fact that you are theme-parkish and theme-parks give me the willies. My extreme trepidation is probably loosely related to my mom getting hit by a greyhound bus at Disneyworld on my 13th birthday. Just speculating here.

Stop Terrifying Me,
A