Dear Hookup,

Stop emailing me to see if I'm pregnant. It doesn't work like that. I'm not telling your girlfriend anyway, so chillax.

Your emails freak me out and your intensity is misdirected. If you want to say, "don't ruin what she and I have" just say, "don't ruin what she and I have." Don't dance around it and act as though you may care about my emotional well-being in the meanwhile when its really about saving your ass.

Also, when I call you on "saving your own ass," don't tell me its not about your ass and that its actually about saving your life and the special bond you have with gf.

I don't want to hear about how much you love her. I don't care regardless of fucking you. Your Dr. Phil moment is wasted on me. I emailed you this and you responded with a compliment of how much I inspire you and how you like conversation with me and how this got you into trouble in the first place.

Guess what? Despite the friend circle and our previous friendship, conversation is over.

Check to see if I'm on birth control next time, too eager for his own good,

H