Dear Meer Cat lookalike,

Reasons hooking up with you was a bad idea:
#1: I'm not into you and I'm over your drunk text messages that are utterly presumptuous. Oh yeah, and you have pointy teeth.
#2: You're trying to play one of my friends. Stop texting about how cute you think he is when you're trying to get with me, even though I'm not into you. If I were him I'd be pissed.
#3: My good friend was shamelessly in love with you, even if that was one of the reasons I went for you.
#4: I was wasted and just wanted someone with a heartbeat to cuddle with.
#5: Even though I look like a dog you look like a meer cat, except meer cats are fun size.

K bye,
Chris