Dear Assholes who are in cars, on bikes, or on rollerbades:

As pedestrians, my dog and I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. Maybe don't drive 50 in a neighborhood and then be mad bc you took a corner at 80 only to realize my dog and I are in the crosswalk. And don't be all rollerbalding or biking and get pissed off bc my dog is deathly afraid of you and cowers and whimpers bc I WILL stick a stick in your wheel and flip you off your fucking high horse. You people all WISH your dog would swim and leap and catch frisbees and chase squirrels w/ reckless abandon and just generally be unsurpassedly cool.

I'll kill anyone on wheels if they look at my dog the wrong way,

PS when we're on the teeny tiny canal path, you can eat us bc there's a whole, paved, 2-way ped/bike only road right next to it. It's not our fault you are pretending to have an "all-terrain mountain biking experience" in the middle of DC.

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