Dear Sexy Black Pencil-Skirt,

While tidying my room, I just noticed your entire rear-seam is torn! Please tell me this injury of your's occurred *after* arriving home from our drunken Friday evening at the swank downtown lounge!! If I was parading around in wasted confidence, with your now giant slit wide open, up to my bum, fully displaying a whorish 32 inches of my fishnet covered legs - rather than the initial, more tasteful 15 exposed inches - I will be slightly mortified.

There is some reassurance in the fact I was not entirely blacked out, and did not witness any blatant mockery. And added comfort in the fact the guy I met that night keeps texting me. But if you *did* make me look like a sloppy fool in broken clothing ... I may never forgive you.

Entertaining The Idea Of Learning To Sew,

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