Dear Verbal Offer Of Promotion,
You need to put yourself in writing asap, before my boss finds out my asshole coworker is quitting. I have no doubt my shitty ass company will not even hesitate to renig on you with a litany of bullshit excuses and completely fuck me over just to keep this damn department from sinking into hell. I want my $10k raise and all the perks you promised me.
Please don't fuck this up. You're giving me an ulcer.
By the way do you know what happens when I get royally fucked over? I go postal worker on your ass.
Please be in my inbox, in Times New Roman, by the end of the day.