Dear Man that Just Replied to My "Need a Nanny This Summer?" Craigslist Post,

My post was in fact NOT "Need a Prostitute This Summer?" I mean, I know I'm cute, but what about my innocent picture of me and a child led you to believe I would want to fuck you for money? It overwhelms me to even begin to brainstorm about what could possibly be wrong with you. What type of a man spends his Saturday mornings browsing Craigslists childcare section for a "discreet, private arrangement" (aka a prostitute). $1000 a month for meeting only a couple times each month (plus gift cards for shopping)?? Holy Shit. 5/6th of me just threw up in my mouth that men like you even exist. The other 1/6th of me has already decided how I'd spend my extra $1000 a month and where I'd want my gift cards to. (Maybe Banana Republic or Arden B…) Is a steroid boost to my bank account, a nicer apartment, and more fashionable clothes a fair trade for all my morals and dignity??

Oh, and you even have the nerve to say we would have to meet first and it would depend on "chemistry". Excuse me, but you are so pathetic you are going to pay someone 10 years younger than you $1000 a month to fuck you a couple times and you're concerned about "chemistry"? If you could find someone with the right "chemistry" wouldn't they fuck you for free?

I've woken up many mornings lying next to a mistake and unable to find my dignity among my clothes scattered on the floor. That's what college is all about, right? And I was doing that for free. Now you are offering me compensation for making a mistake and all of a sudden morals become an issue? Why is it that I'll make a mistake for free but not when you're paying me?

If only they sold dignity at the local mall. I could buy back my dignity for $250, then I'd have $750 a month. Hell, I might even buy back my dignity for $750 and make do with $250 a month for jeans and shoes…

Thanks, but no thanks. Although I can picture the new red stilettos I'd buy and how adorable they would be with the perfect jeans, I know I'd squirm every time I put them on.

Settling for a $12/hour nannying job, a smaller apartment, cheaper clothes and all my dignity,

…But would it hurt to respond and ask for a picture?

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