Dear Super Intense High School Senior,

When I volunteered to be on the alumni admissions network for the chance to win a free ipod, I did not realize you would be calling me at 1AM EST to ask inane questions about my "elite" college. I don't know if you can move in early because your bed needs to be by the window. I don't know if you can place out of Spanish 200 because you went to Mexico last summer. Also, I don't appreciate your Mom calling me pretending to be your secretary saying, "Scary McScarerson would like to speak to you about admissions, hold please." Dude, I totally know its your Mom because she called back asking how the interview went.

Sadly I cannot recommend you in the entering class of 2008 because you are a nut job.

Sincerely,
Buddha

P.S. My job as an alumna is to say don't take orgo and calc 2 first semester freshman year and bring sturdy shower shoes!