Dear Raise that I just found out about,

You can kiss my ass. If you think that's a raise, you must be kidding me. $20 more a paycheck and $40 more a month is nothing. Multiply it out you cheapasses…That means only an extra $480 a year for me. I don't care what my "total salary" is…what matters is how the hell I'm supposed to pay for my lavish lifestyle. I can't continue to order for Victoria's Secret each week on an extra $40 a month. I guess I'll need to find a guy to do that for me...

I guess it'll be ramen for me for a while,

PS – Thanks Mom for e-mailing me to tell me that my raise = 50 cents more an hour. Did I pay over $100,000 for my education to get a 50 cent raise? Anyone have any job openings?

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