Dear roommate,

I’m hardly ever here. I purposely make a scene when I leave for work and class by saying things like “Ugh, I’ll be back around 6.” I time my meals for when your bf is over. And when I come in and see you might be “napping,” I totally grab a book and read in the lobby for a good 20 minutes. Like, I’ve been super considerate. So really there’s no reason for me to have your humping interrupt my econ homework.

Way to rub it in that I’m not getting any,
Eloise