Dear graduate school intern working today in my office,

As I write this, your wife is in labor. She is having a baby, and you are typing on your laptop. Not even letters of joy to your friends and family, but you are actually doing work. Meaningless work that is in no way going to boost your quality of life. Like in the way, oh say...a BABY would. So why don't you do yourself a favor, leave work, and go hold the hand of your wife who is going through ungodly and unspeakable pain. So she doesn't resent you forever.

Totally and completely in disbelief,

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