Dear 36 Year Old Man at Tribe,

It's too bad you were 14 when I was born or I would have taken you home. Plus you're short and I discriminate against men shorter than 5'10. But it was kind of cute on you. Your geriatric-ness reminds me of my dad who was 25 when his "trophy wife" was born. Sick fuck!

Sleepless in Seattle

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