Dear "Friends" from High School,

Sometimes, when I see some of you in public, I hide or pretend I don't see you. I'm sorry. It isn't that I didn't like you in school, it's just that I don't like you now. I'm not interested in hearing about your 6-month marriages or how you dated/hooked up with Mr/Ms Popular and they turned out to be psychotic. And if I DO talk to you, I am SO gonna spread gossip. And then, when you say "We should totally hang out!" and scribble your phone number down, take the hint that when I don't give you MY number too, it means I don't want to hear from you. I'm going to "lose" that paper you've just given me in the parking lot, anyway. Yes, I'm silly. Yes, I'm kind of a bitch. But, whatev.

Hiding in a clothes rack,

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